Boundaries refers to behavior that crosses the line of comfort and respect, for yourself and others. Engaging in uncomfortable or dangerous behavior physically, verbally, emotionally or sexually. Boundaries include what we say, what we do, how others treat us and how we respond to others in a way that protects ourselves and allows us to be safe, healthy and happy. We create sound relationships with others…and ourselves!

When we are uncomfortable, hurting ourselves or others through words or actions or have that funny feeling in our stomach that tells us something isn’t quite right…those are times we pay extra special attention. Is a boundary being crossed?

Here are just a few examples of how your boundaries may be at risk:

Physical Boundary Violations

  • Sitting too close
  • Hugging without permission
  • Tickling, practical jokes
  • Pushing someone into water
  • Coming in without knocking
  • Borrowing without permission
  • Poking, pushing, shoving
  • Hitting, kicking, etc.
  • Getting up in someone’s face
  • Standing too close
  • Reading journals, letters
  • Listening in on phone calls

Verbal Boundary Violations

  • Threats
  • Name calling
  • Gossip
  • Interrupting
  • Insult, then “just kidding”
  • Yelling
  • Profanity
  • Lying
  • Blaming (verbal and emotional)
  • Sarcasm
  • Tone of voice, whining
  • Speaking for group, not self

Emotional Boundary Violations

  • Breaking a promise
  • Lying (also verbal)
  • Shaming (also verbal)
  • Telling someone how to feel
  • Mind games
  • Being condescending
  • “Smothering” behavior
  • Cheating on someone
  • Silent treatment
  • Dirty looks
  • Shoulds
  • Making fun of others’ feelings
  • Avoiding someone

Sexual Boundary Violations

  • Rape
  • Touching without permission
  • Sexual nicknames
  • Whistling, catcalls
  • Rating by number (she’s a 10!)
  • Being possessive of another person
  • Molestation
  • Treating someone as an object
  • Sexual talk, dirty jokes
  • Ignoring a “no”
  • Talking to a woman’s chest instead of her face

Having a question about boundaries? Not sure what to do? Find a trusted adult and talk about it. Call or text the TeenCrisisLine 602.248.8336 (TEEN) or seek out the support of a professional mental health provider. You got this, Girl!

Rachel Rubenstein, LCSW is a private practice mental health provider and educator located in Arizona who is passionate about assisting our youth to thrive by learning skills and gaining insights!

This article was originally posted on IamTeenStrong.com